#79: try to be free.

#79: paint my door.

so..i kind of don't like it, i just barely decided while I took the picture for this post. but i guess i don't have to be finished, so i'm not too concerned about it.
i have a very large tree fetish. i'm not really sure how tree-like this is, but yes, it is a tree. i really kind of love the way the paint is dripping down my door. i put "try to be free" on the trunk because it just reminds that you need to keep yourself free, and not to float around in the waves like everyone. stay strong and grounded to yourself..like a tree. the one thing i really just don't like that much is that damn flower. it's really going to start bugging me!
anywho, if your naked eye can read the small paragraph on the mid-right section you'd see that it says
"i'm just another person you might see on the street. i'm an artist, a friend, i'm a dreamer, a daughter, i'm a musician, i'm a snake shedding skin, i'm a physical being who knows to go within. i'm a lover and a fighter, i'm just another."
it's just a little quote i stole from casey kawaguchi a very long time ago.

so there you are numbero 79. even though i'm not very pleased with you at the moment, i still painted you. and i promise i will fix you and make you beautiful again..

(oh, and on a small note to all the pain and misery #37 brought...i like him again. and i kissed him. and i liked it. we'll see...)

#37: and you know that he's gone, because he left you a song you didn't want to sing.

Welcome to my least favorite contribution to this list, the most bitter of all of them. Unlucky 37, you are all about getting my heart broken.
We've been on a "break", so I haven't felt the need to write about a broken heart, when really my heart was just on a "break" too. I think that being with somebody for a year and then ending it means absolute heartbreak, whether I like to think that I'm sad or not.
I am in some mindset of "This is what I wanted anyways, and he wasn't what I wanted" but deep in the so called chambers of my heart, I know that's kind of bullshit. Complete and utter bullshit. He became a part of me, and my ending words of "You know what, I don't even care right now. Just leave me alone," hurt me more than I think I even know. It was the first time that I knew I needed to cut it off. Like a year of my life is gone, like I should go burn my journal of October 3rd, 2009 to October 12th, 2010 because they'll make me too upset. I think that we just didn't want the same things anymore, and honestly, that we just didn't understand each other quite as much as we should have.
I do love him a lot. But really..I'm okay. Or at least I will be.

# 11: enjoying is one thing, reflecting is another.

Aye! I'm Chloe, and I am re-doing this blog business.
I've been making a "bucket list" for a while now, and I think it is a really nice idea to reflect upon these happenings. I add a little to the list almost everyday, and some of the things are a little bit more far off than others(spend a year in a third world country? Sorry, but you'll have to wait.)
Oh, and something else? Creating this blog is #11 on this list, so here you are.
As of now, I am living my own life, imperfect and clumsy as it may seem, it is now reflecting me, thoroughly.